Tuesday, February 3, 2009


Wonderfully clear thinking to wake up to.

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists,
Marxists, Obama supporters, et al:
We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this
latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I
know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future
generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two
ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is
right, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile, slate it up to irreconcilable differences, and go our own ways. Here is a model dissolution agreement:

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each
taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our
two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that it should be
relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly
divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate
tastes. We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You
are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O'Donnell (you are however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move them).
We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical
companies, Wal-Mart, and Wall Street.

You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies, and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan Hockey Moms, greedy CEO's, and Rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood . You can make nice with Iran, Palestine, and France, and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or way of life are under assault, we'll provide them job security.

We'll keep our Judeo-Christian Values. You are welcome to Islam,
Scientology, Humanism, and Shirley McClaine. You can have the U.N. But
we will no longer be paying the bill. We'll keep the SUV's, pickup
trucks, and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru Station
Wagon you can find.

You can give everyone healthcare, if you can find any practicing
Doctors (that is practicing, Howard Dean) who will follow to your turf
(sic). We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not aright.

We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and The National Anthem.
I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach
The World To Sing, Kum Ba Ya, or We Are the World.

We'll practice trickle down economics, and you can give trickle up
poverty its best shot. Since it often so offends you we'll keep our History, our Name, andvour Flag. Would you agree to this?

In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR on who will need
whose help in 15 years.


John J. Wall
Law Student

P.S. Please take Barbra Streisand.


Shadowscapestudio said...

We will even through in Washington D.C., North Carolina, Florida and New York City (can't have the whole state), any part of California s/o San Fransisco and all of Nevada.
Can we build fences around you guys?

TyMax said...

Dave would have to move, I would give him what he asked for, deal, Game On